for a pessimist, i'm pretty optimistic

i never wanted to say this
you never wanted to say
i've put much faith in, so much faith
but you just threw it away

i'm not so naive, my sorry eyes can see
the way you fight shy of almost everything
well, if you give up, you'll get what you deserve

WELL, WHY DONT YOU BE A MAN ABOUT IT
FIGHT WITH YOUR BARE HANDS ABOUT IT NOW

start afresh

now i'm gonna look at the positively bright side and forget what's been happening for the past few months. Lives are short, so why wasting time grieving for someone you cant even reach? I believe that even a star could fall, but i dont think im ready for that phase yet.
So, Dan, i think im gonna seriously start to forget my feelings for you.

HELLOOO..... BRIGHT SIDE!!!!!!!!!!

EGO ISSUES

I’m quite an egoist. And i never had any issue with my pride before. Well, maybe i had. But none as serious as this. So, yeah. I’ve been rejected by a guy that i like. Sure, my pride hurts but what could i expect right? In fact, i should expect less. The thing is, I’m a stubbornly loyal girl. Forget about my ex – that’s a different story. So stubborn that it’s making things oxymoronic. For me, stubborness is one of the essences to my pride recipe. And now, stubbornly waiting for something that I should expected less has becoming an addition to the injury.
My f**king pride.
Should I give up just because of my pride? Give up chasing after him, I mean. I dont know what’s so striking about him, which drives me to the point of perhaps 35% madness. Sure, he’s still has his childish side and whatnot. Other than that, his personality is 20% to flawlessness. I’m not judging or condemning him, but you get what i mean. Princes charming is what the world cant handle today, and so does the so-called ideal guys. And this guy happens to be almost one of the types. I love the way his gentleness and kindness drop subtlety along the way. The way he notices even small things. The way he prefer to look at the best points in people and having fait in them. I dont care if he has many weaknesses. I mean, people can change. I believe that.
SIGH.
I dont know what Im rambling about but I’m just typing whatever’s crossing my mind right now. (Yeah, ~all i want is a little piece of heaven~ cun na juak lagu cascada ya). He’s the first guy to make me spill so much tears before (other than my dad) and... I’m not sure if it’s a good thing. If he has the tendency to make me suffer that much, perhaps I should stay longer and observe more of what’s going to happen next. Perhaps the tears will worth my waiting. Yeah. I’m a masochist by the way. LOL
I chatted with ‘Ed’ 2 days ago. Talking to him made my burden lighter. I thank God for providing me such a good listener. I realized why I flirted around with guys. Is it about problems of having commitment to a stable relationship, or am I just playing around, hoping to get a rebound so I can get out off this rut, perhaps forgetting for a little while that I’m still hanging on a thread? I’m sorry, Ed, if you happen to read this. Who knows you will feel at least a bit hurt upon reading this. Flirting without any strings attached isnt what I did unto you. Even if you feel that I did so, i’m truly sorry.
My pride hurts again because I let myself to be bothered so much about this trivial stuffs. Lovey-dovey things, i mean. But... love isnt trivial stuffs rite? Through relationships, no matter how puppy-lovey they were, we surely learnt something from them. So... it’s not wrong to think too much about this lovey thingy? Perhaps I should get rid a little of my ego and focuz on humility instead, XD. It’s becoming a pain on the ass already.
Help me. I dont know if I should wait around for a full redlight (perhaps I should assume of getting one right now) from him. I want my heart back, ‘Dan’. If it’s greenlight, I’ll wait. If it’s not... well, I dont expect much to happen (who am I anyway) so I guess I can rebound back to my normal self within weeks.

what to do...

can i ask him for my heart back? i dont think i can wait unanswered like this for too long.

Dan, i f you dont have any feelings for me, then say it. I'll accept the red light with an open heart. Maybe i'll hurt. But that doesnt matter. Time will heal me.

DAN!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!

XD

WOMANIZER... MANIZER??

Am I one of them?

NAH!!!!!!!!!!!

It's CRAZY. I HATE YELLOW LIGHTS.

What the Hell...

This situation's driving me crazy.

I MISSED HIM. AND AM STILL MISSING HIM.

It's been only what, 2 days that I last seen him???

I wished you love me

VERSE ONE: Somethin, somethin as simple as me hearin' your name (hearin' your name) Puts me, puts me in a place that i can't even explain (uh oh, noO i ain't never been here before) I really didn't know back then but right now i'm totally sure Baby, i know i'm your friend but i wanna be much more (o0oh) I get butterflies when i see you comin', o0o boy you got me runnin' This feelin' in my stomach tells me i should be your woman Because your the only one who makes my fairy tale come true CHORUS: How can someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay I wanna say i love you so bad, but i don't wanna scare you away Please, i wish that you'll understand that i wanna be more than just your friend I wish you loved me VERSE TWO: I see, i see you talkin' to them girls on the phone I wish that i could tell them all to leave you alone Really didn't know back then, but right now i'm totally sure Wh0aa who0 that i wanna be much more Boy this is why, i never really liked your girlfriends (why) Never really gave them a chance (why) Because I realized that i'm your woman, your woman CHORUS: How can someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay I wanna say i love you so bad, but i don't wanna scare you away Please, i wish that you'll understand that i wanna be more than just your friend I wish you loved me BRIDGE: Said if you really love somebody, i mean really really really, really love someobody Let me hear you say yeah, let me hear you say yeah, yeahh If you really know you need them, and you know deep down you never gonna leave them Let me hear you say yeah yeah, hear you say yeah yeah CHORUS: How can someone make me so sad, but still i only want them to stay I wanna say i love you so bad, but i don't wanna scare you away Please, i wish that you'll understand that i wanna be more than just your friend I wish you loved me.

Okay, that's it. I lied when i said i was totally over Dan. Seriously.

GUILT. that's the keyword here.
Should I WAIT?